Earlier this year, as my exploration of Love in my HEALing journey progressed, I started dating, ultimately in search of the man who I hope will be my partner for the rest of my life. Like other parts of my journey, this part has been extraordinary and super cool to experience. The impetus for this blog is a great example.
The Backstory
First, a little backstory. As I have transitioned to my work as the HEALing Mentor, I’ve learned to quickly assign new people who I meet to one of three relationship categories: 1) a teacher who will only be around for a short time, 2) a new tribe, or support team, member, or 3) a survivor in need of my mentoring help. A fourth category for men is my partner, “my one,” whom I seek.
Love in healing comes with great learning. When I began my search, I had much to learn about finding the man I was looking for, starting with who he might be. Back then, I could not affirmatively state the characteristics and qualities of this person. All I could give was a long list of “no’s,” which I quickly consolidated to this: no taking from me by abuse, expectation, or ego. A low bar, yes, but that’s where I began.
I asked the Universe to help
So, knowing that I had a lot to learn and being especially wary of not getting hurt again, I asked the Universe to help me not make another mistake where I would end up in another relationship with an unhealed survivor still living in their unhealthy survivorship. Almost every day, I ask the Universe about any man I am getting to know as a potential life partner: “If he’s not my person, let him remain in my life to teach me whatever I need to learn, and then let him leave. If he’s not in my life to serve my highest and best good for the long term, let me learn, and then let him leave.”
It’s been super cool to watch the Universe answer my prayer. Every single one of the men has come into my life, and when it was time for them to leave, they exited immediately—like a light being switched off. They were here yesterday and gone, gone, gone, today. The light turning off has been my sign to look at the learning, which, so far, has been amazingly clear to me.
I’ve evolved from that long list of “no’s” to a fairly well-defined list of “yeses,” perhaps deal-breaking “musts,” that I can affirmatively state today. I’m a stellar catch, so why would I settle for anything less than my “musts”?
Recently, for example, one of them taught me that I'm looking for a man who is balanced in income and outcome. Someone who can care for themselves financially (income) but also positively impacts and makes a difference in other people’s lives (outcome). Someone who is in service to fellow human beings, perhaps even from a place of former pain, just like I am.
Accept Me Unconditionally
Other criteria for my love in healing: Accept me for who I am unconditionally, which I agree is a low-bar criterion. But I get that my public persona and what I talk about openly might make it more difficult to accept me over someone who doesn’t have my purpose—to be a HEALing Mentor. Have a positive relationship with your ex(es) and show love for your kids and grandkids. Speak my receiving love language of physical touch without the intention of having sex and accept my giving love language of acts of service without fearing that I think you’re inadequate in caring for yourself. And, ideally, we have the freedom to integrate our lives, wherever WE choose.
See? I am making forward progress. And with each learning, the lights went out, and they were gone.
Or so I thought.
Three of these men have re-entered my life in the past few weeks. The last of them left three months ago. They all miss me. Of course they do! Did I mention that I’m a stellar catch?
Their re-entry put me in a quandary. Why? Why, God? They already came, taught me, and left, so why are they back again? I came to understand the first one because we’re becoming true friends. The second one who showed up, however, had me asking my tribe whether the Universe was playing a joke on me. And then the third, and least expected, showed up.
He’s the least expected because of the events of his exit. As a couple, we went on vacation several months ago, but I returned as a single girl. I saw all sorts of issues with him in an environment that was not his norm. The morning after our parting, I woke up knowing I had dodged a bullet. He immediately cut me off from all communication; he wanted nothing more to do with me. Because of the caustic nature of our parting, when he reappeared, I was… shocked. “WTH??”
Spiritual Messages
Amidst all this, I was actively working on something entirely different with my friend Danielle Laura, who channels spiritual messages for me. So, I asked her, “Have I met my intimate/romantic partner? And related, or perhaps more specifically, why have the three men I thought had come, taught me a lesson, and gone, now reappeared in recent weeks?”
“Yes, resounding yes!” she replied to my first question about whether I’d met my partner. Regarding my “why?” question, she explained that I have done so much inner work and healing karmic patterns, even unintentionally. True. And because the work is ongoing but nearing the end, certain people must be removed from my life to not taint the ongoing healing I am doing, but they may come back once I am done with the work.
Okay, I get this. I’ve heard this same thing from my astrologer about a significant theme of my work in this fifth and final year of my radical transformation. That work is related to my exploration of love, specifically doing my work to be ready for my life partner when I find him.
I asked Danielle for more clarification, “Given that I’ve met my guy, is he one of these three who have returned? (Because they're all confusing me with their behavior.).”
Her answer knocked me over the head. “Yes, it feels like Number 2.”
Guess who Number 2 is? In the order that I have them in mind, based on the order in which they first entered my life, Number 2 is the guy with whom I abruptly separated while on vacation—the one I least expected.
She told me, “BUT, here’s the thing your guides are sharing—this is a test for him of his inner healing of karmic patterns. If he has done the work, it will work out smoothly! If he hasn’t, self-sabotage on his end may make the relationship more difficult than it needs to be.”
Okay Universe, but…
Okay, I’m all about the Universe speaking to me, but this was incredibly profound. One of the issues I have with this guy is that he’s dragging his past—many past relationships—with him, and I’ve been judged against his experiences since the beginning of our relationship. My experience with him, culminating in our abrupt separation, caused me to realize that he’s not healed enough for me to have a relationship with him. So, this may be his test… And unless he lets go of his past, I don’t see us in a relationship. It would be much more complicated for me than it would need to be, me dealing with his self-sabotage that my spirit guides told me through Danielle.
So where does this leave me if he’s “my guy” (or “My One,” as I used to call him when we were dating)? If he is and we don’t move forward, will I be single for a while, or perhaps forever? Within a couple of days, I got to “yes.” I’d rather be single than in another challenging and potentially painful relationship with another unhealed survivor. I decided that if he does come back to me, my answer will be “no” unless he can demonstrate significant progress in his healing. In other words, I decided that “I am The One.”
As soon as I decided this, I started receiving more profound confirmatory messages from my spiritual guides.
The next day, Danielle sent her New Moon in Scorpio forecast, which nailed precisely what I’m dealing with energetically during this moon (excerpted from her email with my handwritten notes in blue):
𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝘀𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳:
-What hidden emotions or fears am I ready to confront and release in order to support my emotional healing and growth?
Me: the fear of not finding “my one.”
-What commitments can I make to myself today that align with the person I aspire to become?
Me: self-love first, but navigate the challenges of difficult but potentially rewarding relationships.
-What relationships or connections am I feeling called to deepen, and how can I create more vulnerability in them?
Me: Number 2.
𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗮 𝗛𝘂𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝗗𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲, this New Moon in Scorpio is moving through 𝗚𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝟰𝟰 (in the splenic center)—𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙂𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙏𝙧𝙪𝙩𝙝.
We’re being invited to explore the fear of past patterns repeating themselves, and to stop hiding as a way of protecting ourselves, and instead, share who we really are with the world in our full authenticity without fear of being judged.
𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝘁 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆: deep healing, truth, aligned decisions.
-𝘓𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦: To break free of past patterns holding you back and align with your purpose.
-𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘸 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦: Fear that the past will repeat itself and being stuck in paralysis because of it.
𝗥𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗽𝘁𝘀:
-What do I feel is a new truth being revealed in my: business/life/relationships/health/ spirituality?
Me: finding my person.
-Where am I still hiding parts of myself out of fear, and how can I begin to share more of my authentic self?
Me: being alone because I don’t find “my one,” but realizing I AM THE ONE!!!
-What past patterns or experiences am I afraid I’ll repeat, and how can I reframe these to see them as valuable lessons rather than barriers?
Me: being in an unhealthy relationship because I ignore behavior that does not align with my highest and best good.
-How can I use this time of introspection to actively release fears, and what tangible steps can I take to create a more empowered and aligned path forward?
Me: be true to myself and my highest and best good.
𝗔𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: I release the shadows of my past and embrace my authentic truth with courage. I trust in my ability to break free from old patterns, knowing that each decision I make from truth aligns me closer to my purpose.
Me: WOW!!!
I follow the Co-Star app, which gives me daily messages based on my natal chart. Right after I read Danielle’s forecast and worked through how this related to Number 2, my guides told me through Co-Star messages that “Love is not written in the stars” and “There is no such thing as “the one.”
Interpretation: I will have a wide-open field as soon as I complete my karmic healing related to this type of relationship.
My guides are cheering me on as I continue to HEAL!!