For years, I struggled in silence, carrying emotional burdens that weren’t mine to bear. It wasn’t until I found the right trauma therapist that my healing journey truly began. Today, I want to share insights from my conversation with Monica Borschel, the trauma therapist who helped transform my life, and explore the crucial differences between general therapy and specialized trauma therapy, including the powerful EMDR trauma therapy approach that changed everything for me
Finding the Right Therapeutic Match
When I first met Monica in Hong Kong, I presented as a confident, professional woman with walls so high they were practically skyscrapers. Behind that carefully constructed façade was someone who didn’t know herself – someone carrying decades of unprocessed trauma.
What makes this relationship so different from previous therapeutic experiences? Trust, rapport, and specialized trauma knowledge. I had attempted therapy many times over 25 years before finding Monica, but those earlier attempts never penetrated the walls I had built. Either I wasn’t ready, or the therapists lacked the specific skills needed to help me process trauma.
The truth is, the relationship between client and therapist is fundamental to healing success. This relationship ranks among the most significant in my life – something I’m not ashamed to admit. When evaluating potential therapists, I apply the same critical factors as I would when considering other important relationships: trust, rapport, and specialized skills.
Why a Trauma Therapist, Not Just Any Psychologist?
There’s a profound difference between general psychological support and specialized trauma therapy. Traditional talk therapy can be wonderful for many issues, but trauma requires specific approaches and understanding.
The Missing Piece: Trauma-Informed Care
For years, I approached therapy without the language to explain what I was experiencing. I couldn’t articulate that I’d been sexually abused as a child – I literally didn’t have access to those memories or words. A trauma-informed therapist understands:
- How trauma affects memory (dissociation vs. repression)
- The shame that survivors carry (“Victims carry shame that doesn’t belong to them. It’s almost like perpetrators give it to their victims like an infection, and then the victim carries that shame,” Monica explained during our conversation)
- The physical manifestations of trauma in the body
- The specialized techniques needed to process trauma safely
EMDR Trauma Therapy: Breaking Through When Talk Therapy Couldn’t
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) trauma therapy was transformative for me, though I had tried it twice before without success. Monica explained EMDR in accessible terms: it uses eye movements to essentially distract the limbic system (our emotional brain), allowing the prefrontal cortex to come back online.
This means we can process traumatic memories without becoming overwhelmed by emotions. For me, EMDR helped process shame that had been locked in my body for over 45 years. When your limbic system is constantly activated, you can’t think clearly or function optimally – yet many people don’t realize they’re in this state.
One of the most powerful aspects of EMDR trauma therapy is that you don’t have to verbalize every detail of your trauma. Your brain processes the information while your eyes follow a moving target (in my case, Monica’s fingers or a small toy on a stick). This was crucial for me, as speaking about certain experiences felt impossible at first.
My Trauma Therapy Journey: Key Insights
Patience is Essential
When Monica asked about my emotional needs early in our work, I had no idea how to respond. I couldn’t even conceptualize what “emotional needs” meant. She provided a list of common emotional needs that sat on my nightstand for weeks while I studied it. Eventually, through a conflict with my ex-husband, I identified my first three emotional needs.
Healing isn’t linear, and good trauma therapy allows for this natural progression. Monica never rushed me or made me feel inadequate for not immediately understanding concepts.
Safety Creates the Foundation for Healing
I couldn’t access my trauma until I felt genuinely safe. For decades, I carried a wall of protection because my trauma came from people – from attachment wounds and abuse. Only when I felt secure in the therapeutic relationship could I begin to dismantle that wall.
Even four years into therapy, I was still uncovering significant traumas. It took that long to feel safe enough to discuss a high school sexual assault – not because I didn’t trust Monica, but because reliving such experiences is profoundly difficult.
Trauma Therapy Evolves with You
My work with Monica has evolved over time. We began with processing trauma through EMDR trauma therapy and have now moved into what I call “expansion work” using brain spotting techniques. This approach helps me develop my authentic self and grow beyond merely healing wounds.
That’s why I continue therapy even after resolving major traumas. The relationship continues to support my growth and provides a safe space should new challenges arise.
How to Get the Most from Trauma Therapy
Based on my experience, here are key insights for anyone considering or currently in trauma therapy:
- Be as open as possible – While difficult, sharing honestly with your therapist is crucial for healing. I had to overcome shame and embarrassment to fully engage in the process.
- Commit to the work – Healing is hard, often harder than the trauma itself. I kept working even when I didn’t understand concepts like “emotional needs.” Trust the process and keep showing up.
- Recognize avoidance – If you feel like walking out of a therapy session, ask yourself if it’s because the therapist isn’t a good fit or because they’re touching on something painful you need to address.
- Look for specialized training – Seek therapists specifically trained in trauma modalities like EMDR trauma therapy or brain spotting, especially if you’ve tried traditional therapy without success.
Embracing the Journey
Today, I’m no longer the guarded person who first walked into Monica’s office. I’ve shed the shame that wasn’t mine to carry. I have processed emotions that kept me trapped for decades. I’ve discovered who I truly am.
This transformation wasn’t easy or quick – it was the hardest work I’ve ever done. But it was worth every difficult moment. If you’re carrying trauma, please know healing is possible. You deserve to find the right support to process what happened to you and reclaim your life.
Are you ready to start your healing journey? I’m here to support you as a healing mentor, and I encourage you to seek a qualified trauma therapist who can provide the specific help you need. Remember, the right therapeutic relationship can change everything – it certainly did for me.
For resources on finding trauma therapists and learning more about EMDR trauma therapy approaches, visit our Resources Page. You can also reach out to me directly if you need support finding the right help for your unique situation.
If you liked this post, you may want to watch the full conversation: